It's difficult to comprehend the intensity of Jordan Brunoli's past week.
Over just a few days the bassist from Brisbane band Bugs has celebrated his wedding, prepared for the upcoming release of Bugs's first album in years, and taken a call from his oncologist who explained what he might expect in his final days of life.
"We were planning the wedding and planning a funeral at the same time," he tells triple j hack.
"How insane is that?"
Jordan's announcement last year that he had been diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer devastated the Australian music community.
On Sunday he shared an update on social media, confirming his cancer had continued to spread and he was told in June that he was entering the final chapter of life, with "a prognosis of 3–4 months".
"My oncologist says: 'The chemo is not working at all anymore and it's looking like we might have to start referring you to palliative care.'"
While he acknowledges the bad news did not come as a surprise, the 30-year-old says it still doesn't feel real.
"Those who've seen me recently have just gone 'what the hell man, you look fine.'
"It feels like a dream … like I'm talking about someone else.
"I still want to keep living life … and every day I'm just trying to do more."
'It's just acceptance'
Jordan admits the last year has been a rollercoaster of emotions.
"I had a terrible couple of months … I was super depressed, became very inward.
"I shrunk my circle, not deliberately, but my inner circle became very small, and I stopped responding to people like my close friends as well."
But recently, Jordan says he's noticed a shift.
"There's this weird Gandhi-ness about me, I've been told!
"I think it's just acceptance.
"I've just accepted what's going to happen and there's nothing that can change."
The Bugs bond
Coming to terms with Jordan's future has also been difficult for Bugs band mates Connor Brooker and Brock Weston.
"We've had hard conversations," Connor admits.
"But we're kind of trying to avoid focusing on it too much because I think there's too much we still want to achieve together."
That includes releasing the Bugs's first album in years, Head Noise, which comes out next Friday.
"It's about damn time," Jordan says.
"We've been working on it for a very long time and we've had a bit of a catalyst that's forced us to get it out.
"Let's go, because we don't have any time."
Bugs will perform two shows at Brisbane venue Crowbar, formerly The Zoo, in September to launch their new album, Head Noise. (Supplied: Will Johnstone)
Brock says Head Noise pushes Bugs into different directions.
"We got to really curate the whole album into a new sound and the result is amazing," he tells hack.
The band has also announced two shows in Brisbane early next month.
"I'll be playing the gigs, even if I'm crawling on stage and crawling off," Jordan stresses.
"We have a contingency hologram just in case!" Connor jokes.
Picking out the casket
Jordan admits the seriousness of the situation sometimes makes for some "hilariously depressing" moments.
He explains how invaluable his partner, George, has been, as she navigates keeping him focused, while planning his funeral.
Jordan Brunoli says his partner, Georgia, and bandmates Brock (right) and Connor have been great supports as he navigates the last few months of his life. (triple j: Brandon Lung)
"Sometimes I'll just be sitting on the couch hanging out with the dogs and all of a sudden G [George] hits me with a 'Hey, which one of these caskets do you want to be buried in?'"
"Seriously, though, if I didn't have Brock, Connor and my partner, G, keeping me grounded every day … I wouldn't be anywhere near as comfortable as I am right now.
"G and I were meant to be and always will be."
Jordan and George celebrated their wedding with loved ones yesterday.
'The reason we're still here'
The huge wave of support and love that has poured in for Jordan over the past week from Bugs fans is not lost on him.
"You guys are freaking legends and we love you so much," he says.
"To have them come along with you for the ride for 10 years … that's amazing.
"It's the people who have supported us that's the reason we're still here."
Connor interjects with his own thoughts on why Bugs fans have been so loyal.
"I think the reason why a lot of them have supported us is because of you, Jordan.
"You invest so much into fans, listening to them, making moments with them.
"I'm really proud to have been able to do that with you because you light up a room."
The trio laugh as they consider the cliches they are throwing at each other, but it's clear the love and respect runs deep.
"We've always been the kind of dudes that have hugged each other goodbye and say I love you," Connor says.
"Jordan is so tough," Brock adds.
"As a friend, I've just tried to focus on not doing anything different."
'The fighter in me'
Jordan says he is doing his best to prepare for death, but is also very much focused on living right now.
"No I'm not ready, but you know what? I don't think that fact is ever going to change."
He says his predominant emotion is fear — not of dying, but of not making the most of the time he has left.
A lot of his time, he says, is spent considering how his loved ones will cope once he's gone.
Jordan Brunoli says young people shouldn't be so hard on themselves and everyone should go to therapy. (triple j: Brandon Lung)
Not much of his time is spent on thinking about how he'll be remembered.
"I don't actually give a f***!" he laughs.
But he does have advice for young Australians on how they might approach life.
"I don't think there's a secret formula, but the only thing I will say is, don't be so hard on yourself.
"And go to therapy!"
However the end plays out, Jordan says he will confront it head on.
"There's that fighter in me, you know?
"I have a feeling I'm just going to push till the end."
